tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41240471427861116672024-03-04T20:01:12.634-08:00HOLD FAST IN THE NIGHTAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-40232571988287659792015-09-08T12:14:00.002-07:002015-09-08T12:51:02.976-07:00SUICIDE PREVENTION WEEK <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>Share your story. Be heard. People are here to listen. Ready to Help. Hold Fast.</b></div>
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<b>"Tell me what the thunder that crashes inside of you sounds like."</b></div>
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This video was created by Filmsupply which is in the business of revoluntionizing stock footage by providing premium content to creatives, and the poetry is spoken by Anis Mojgani. This footage is from: <a href="http://www.filmsupply.com/">www.filmsupply.com</a></div>
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This week is a big deal. Spend time encouraging and loving those around you. Life is a precious gift, it's not guaranteed to be easy, or even make sense some days, and we may not even find all the answers. But we fight for this gift we have each received. There will be months, years, and maybe even decades of hardship. Days where we question our worth, question our identity, and whether life is worth it sometimes. Though life is hard and sometimes feels like we are barely existing. I encourage you to push through, I beg you to. Keep seeking light, don't stop chasing hope, because it comes. It comes in bursts, it comes through relationships, it comes through adventure, it comes when we least expect it. Life is hard but it is also so so good. Your heart may be broken and getting up in the morning may feel impossible, but do it. Get up, your life is of more worth than you may ever realize. We need you. Your friends need you. You are of infinite worth. </div>
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If you are in need of further resources to find help <a href="http://www.twloha.com/">www.twloha.com</a> has amazing resources to point you to hope and healing. At one time I almost gave up on life and I am incredibly blessed and grateful to still be here, finding hope, and living out adventures: <a href="http://holdfastinthenight.blogspot.com/p/stories.html">http://holdfastinthenight.blogspot.com/p/stories.html</a></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-716583985646008612015-03-03T05:39:00.002-08:002015-03-03T05:39:29.810-08:00Stop Chasing the DarknessThe past year and a half has been difficult. A year of ups and downs. I have gotten to explore and have so many amazing adventures that have taught me more than I ever realized but there were downs as well, none that anyone could see. My outlet on instagram were the days of adventure and bliss. But there were downs, downs I didn't tell a single soul about. If I wasn't physically or mentally running away I was lying and hiding the truth from the ones I love most. I didn't like who I was, I liked pretending I was fine and making great decisions. I was lying through my teeth and the scariest part was that I began to feel so comfortable just saying whatever I wanted. '"I'm fine, I'm not running around doing things I shouldn't be doing." "Me? no I didn't do that." "I'm not chasing after something that I should not be." The emptiness of my words like, "hey, can you please keep me accountable." When the reality is, no one can keep you accountable if you are not going to tell the truth.<br />
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It comes down to this:<br />
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"For a long time I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to put myself back together, because letting go of the sadness would mean I have to redefine myself. And sometimes, I still feel like chasing the darkness, because I don't know exactly who I am without it. I realized I made a home out of something I should have never let in."<br />
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My heart was broken to an amount I had never felt before, I accepted the belief that I was worthless and incapable of making good, positive decisions for myself. I believed my mind was too dark to be fixed. I have a lot ahead of me. I'm not perfect and my mistakes weigh me down some days. If there has anything I have recently learned it is this:<br />
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Your friends love you. Your best friends want to be there for you, you only push them away and break their trust when you lie to save your ass. You hurt them more than you realize. If we never admit our mistakes or flaws we will never truly be free from the weight that it ties around our necks. It's not worth it to appear "good" or "healthy" when you're not. You will save a lot of time if you just come out with it.<br />
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So now, I have a lot to face, and some redefining to do. But for the first time in a year and a half I mean it, I have to. We were not made to chase after the darkness, turn around and follow the light.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-4564200667484131802014-05-28T14:42:00.001-07:002014-05-28T20:14:06.208-07:00You are good enough.<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px;">This past year and a half has been gut wrenching, thought provoking, heart breaking, and magical all at the same time. I've experienced moments that made me feel so alive and moments that ached to the core of my being. I'm in a season of healing, a season of valuing myself. A season of demanding self respect.</span><div><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px;"> I came across something I wrote a year and a half ago and I know I stumbled upon it for a reason. So today I will share it again and remind myself that I am worth so much more, as are you. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br>Even after going through intensive counseling and receiving help, I was tied so deeply to believing I could never be okay with who I was. Throughout taking the steps to get help and find healing, I still could not let go of the lie that I was never going to be good enough for the standards laid out before me. I labeled myself as “not enough” and refused to accept who I was. My past continued to define me. Watching my every step, I spoke only when spoken to, rather than raising my voice or standing up for myself. I valued other people’s opinions rather than my own. If I didn’t agree with someone or appreciate the way they treated me, I continued to believe I deserved to be treated that way. <br><br>Yes, I’ve experienced a lot of healing in my life and freedom from struggles that once seemed impossible to overcome—but I still always felt like I was too afraid to expose my real self. I let people determine my identity, scared of returning to pain and terrified of feeling alone. Scared to truly be me. <br><br>Eventually, I was exhausted from viewing myself in negative ways. Even the things I was passionate about were hidden rather than celebrated openly. Constantly stuck between finding complete freedom in my life and hiding my true self, no one could see the real me. <br><br>We do it all the time; in order for something we want to work, we change. We mold ourselves into versions we think will look good to the certain people we “need to fit in with.” In reality, this is self-defeating, and we are not truly <em>living</em>. <br><br>The fear of failing or not fitting in will only hold you back from experiencing true freedom. You will miss out on the things you love—and the people who will love you for who you really are. <br><br></span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">We will all go through brokenness in our lives, more than once, but we can find so much healing in just being ourselves.</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br><br>I have grown and finally learned to be myself. I’ve learned it’s okay and normal to be afraid of relapsing, but that I can still live and enjoy life. I have learned that who I am is more than enough. <br><br>There is no one like you. Don’t let someone else define your worth; know your worth and believe it. I know you feel alone, and everyone and everything around you might tell you you’re not good enough and never will be. I assure you, this is a lie. <br><br>You are good enough. You were from the first breath that ever filled your lungs, and you always will be. <br><br></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-81863380540228835172014-02-24T09:07:00.002-08:002014-02-24T09:07:11.168-08:00.COMPETENCE.<div style="text-align: center;">
Competence. This is a huge thing I've been learning lately. I'm about to throw down some Webster's Dictionary, where it defines competence as the belief that you have the ability to do something successfully or efficiently. However, a lot of us suffer in different degrees of incompetence. Incompetence can be defined as having a sense of being less than others, a belief that one is inherently not as valuable or capable as others of similar education and ability. </div>
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A lot of times we feel powerless, we feel like we can't do great things but the truth is we can. You can. You really really can. You might fail, you might trip up, and honestly, at times you are going to feel like you absolutely suck. Somedays you'll scream until your voice won't let you anymore, and you still do. And honestly, that's perfectly okay, because that's just how life is. Truth is, we are capable of far more than we realize. We too easily believe that we can't do things. We believe far too much that life should be easy and that if things are simply too hard we just should give up or become so discouraged we lose faith in ourselves. You can be frustrated and you can kick and scream, but you also can believe in yourself and know that you are valuable and you may be surprised but you are fully capable. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-73504902238080068172013-12-11T23:49:00.000-08:002013-12-12T07:18:15.860-08:00cheers to a new year & the adventures that await<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I flew to San Francisco about a month ago and began rereading East of Eden by John Steinbeck and the following sentences jumped out at me. I felt the words look straight at me, and it stirred up a kind of anger within me:<br>
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<b>"Do you take pride in your hurt? Does it make you seem large and tragic? Well, think about it. Maybe you're playing a part on a great stage with only yourself as audience." </b></div>
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I've so often labeled myself as delicate and broken and though those parts of me do exist, that is not who I am. I've been standing on an invisible stage whispering woe is me, woe is me. And even now, somedays I'm tempted to stand on that stage and begin yelling and screaming. But I am more than the hurt and the pain, it is not my whole being, nor my defining characteristics.</div>
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I became so comfortable being unhappy, that I wallowed and dragged my feet like a child in flex of a full blown temper tantrum. The cynic within kept reminding me not to get too close, don't open your mouth too much, there's no one you can really trust. For a lot of my life I've tended to see the worst in people, I assumed no relationship could ever be ultimately good and in believing that, that is exactly what happened. My relationships continuously fell apart because I had this idea in my head that no one would stay, so I didn't let anyone close enough for them to even have a chance to stay or I gave people an opportunity to stay when I should not of. People are not all bad contrary to popular belief.<br>
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So I'm changing things up now and in the upcoming year. I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be, but that is the part that makes this next chapter of life so exciting. The possibilities are endless. Life is all about chasing dreams, falling, making mistakes, but standing up and finding a new way. I want to tell more stories. Brave, hopeful, and provokingly honest stories.</div><div><br></div><div>If you find yourself on an invisible stage, standing in front of an invisible audience, get off of it; run and don't look back. <br>
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Cheers to a new year and the adventures that await us.<br>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-84437668394361630172013-11-09T11:23:00.001-08:002013-11-09T11:23:05.078-08:00NEW THINGS. <div style="text-align: center;">
Working on a lot of new ideas & projects for the new year coming up. I have been missing lately, but I am getting excited for things ahead. Be encouraged today. Happy Saturday. :)</div>
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"Try to let what is unfair teach you...what is unfair can be a stern but invaluable teacher...you can be shaped, or you can be broken. There is not much in between. Try to learn. Be coachable. Try to learn from everybody, especially those who fail. This is hard." -David Foster Wallace</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-50311680660760530192013-10-23T08:38:00.001-07:002013-10-23T08:38:24.542-07:00DON'T GIVE UP<div style="text-align: center;">
DON'T GIVE UP. </div>
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You may have broken bones, a broken heart, or a broken mind. You've been through plenty of ups and downs. I know you feel alone. I know you feel like no one cares. Everyone's busy & maybe you are utterly confused & lost. This is your season, drink it up, every drop. If its busy or lonely these seasons teach us. These seasons grow us. They may not be fun, some days you may weep and your body may physically hurt and some days will be filled with laughter and ease. Wherever you're at and no matter how alone or useless you feel. Run from these thoughts & do not look back. It's a battle you may have to face each day, but get out of bed, stand up tall & live. No feeling is final. This season isn't permanent. The seasons will change as the tide rises and falls. We will rise and we will fall, but never stop fighting. Please never stop fighting. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-45585457975857882512013-10-21T08:56:00.000-07:002013-10-21T09:03:51.787-07:00WE ARE STORIES: Rachel McCluskey <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">My name is Rachel & Northern
Ireland is my home. I’m almost 21 years old, rarely settled, and dreaming of
life in the Empire State. I’ve struggled with writing this for weeks. I guess I
just want to be honest from the start. I try my hardest to live honestly; and I
am always talking about the importance of owning your past and sharing your
story. However, sharing mine has caused my palms to glisten and shake. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 11.0pt;">My mind is cluttered and
messy. A tangled web of unfinished sentences and words I ache to tell the
world, but am too frightened to let slip past my lips. I’ve written on the back
of receipts and in the framework unsent messages for weeks, but now we’re here.
It feels uneasy, but it feels right. So this is my story & this is my heart.
Raw as ever, and messy as could be. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">Life could have been a
lot different for me. Although it isn’t something I often talk about, it is not
something that I am ashamed of either. When I was 15 weeks old my mother and
father adopted me, and took me home as theirs. Four years after the adoption of
my older brother. My brother and I have been showered with love and selflessness
from the very day the adoption papers were signed and sealed. My dad is my hero;
he works hard, and is the one who still leaves the hall light on for me at
night.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">My mum is the woman who cries for
me when I can’t cry any longer. She’s both small and fierce. To this very day I’ve
never had to fight any of my battles alone and I know I wont ever need to.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I grew up in a home that
loved God and loved each other. I had an incredibly happy childhood. For the
most part I just went through the motions. When it came to school I always
ended up getting on the wrong side of someone. I spent a lot of time getting
bullied when I was very young. Some of it was vicious, however, in hindsight it
was mostly just relentless. If my face wasn’t getting rubbed in dirt, my skirt
was getting pulled up and 9-year-old girls were yelling their newly learnt cuss
words in my face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even as a kid I just
wanted to please people, so I took it and then offered to be their friend in
the end. I still struggle with that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Then high school
happened. My first 3 years of high school were a strange combination of ordinary
and horrible. The girl who made school really tough moved and I found a group
of people who I thought glittered. They were older and I was naïve. Everything
in my young heart was captivated by the lives they lived. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">I allowed myself to get so sucked into the way
they did things that I forgot how to live for myself. I spent two years overcome
by alcohol, parties and lies. Too young to understand, yet old enough to choose
to continue. I lied a lot, mostly to my parents. I drank and flirted with addiction
to silence the shame and guilt. Toxic relationships made me question everything
I once thought to be real and true. I spent time with people who wrecked me,
and I hurt them right back. Anxiety reigned and I fought so hard against the
good that God has promised. I started to accept the lies I told myself. I
believed that people would sooner walk away and leave, than fight for me. I
bought the lie that told me I was alone, that I was unworthy, damaged and unlovable.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbRzWUj0Lxaq6JDJEyT8WVC32Ln4unsyDXXYydt7P-jh_hK_8Ejz2TZsVQkb1DYGjuIIDPksUYAp_LsWfwQVTxzdfZwMWZX0Vcsye8GOt7m9Vqa3_BDAaZPGpXHR7wwcl1BDmspklZxAs/s1600/untitled-2004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbRzWUj0Lxaq6JDJEyT8WVC32Ln4unsyDXXYydt7P-jh_hK_8Ejz2TZsVQkb1DYGjuIIDPksUYAp_LsWfwQVTxzdfZwMWZX0Vcsye8GOt7m9Vqa3_BDAaZPGpXHR7wwcl1BDmspklZxAs/s640/untitled-2004.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">Secrets can make you
sick and mine caused my skin to bruise & bleed. My mind became weary and my
heart was weak. I fought for a way out and just when I was ready to let go a
miracle happened. People fought, and I was able to stand with arms outstretched
and heart abandoned in the glory of the one who accepts me just as I am. Show
Him the wounds of your soul, that He may heal them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Words evoke emotion &
they have the ability to create hope; real, honest and raw. Words can shake us
to our very core while at the same time bring our entire world to a halt. I’ve
known death in the heart of a young girl who has felt the pang of cruel taunts
and even the sharpness of her own tongue. But I believe in people and I believe
in hope. The words of others give me strength and they make me brave. Words can
breath new life and your story can heal the wounded soul of a stranger. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEity79xmJNYDXXvaOIzGczBvY_DMv1tnAAU-TW5mss46Jgo1Ic4sXAOLxAMYNzWLwU7Os-TpLV3lJdMBOFUj_4XB6WfEcJH7YIChR71PpgsksN6KWaUdJFoTDkuqGbA97PxjLV8VOht568/s1600/untitled-2102.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEity79xmJNYDXXvaOIzGczBvY_DMv1tnAAU-TW5mss46Jgo1Ic4sXAOLxAMYNzWLwU7Os-TpLV3lJdMBOFUj_4XB6WfEcJH7YIChR71PpgsksN6KWaUdJFoTDkuqGbA97PxjLV8VOht568/s640/untitled-2102.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">For so long I didn’t
really know who I was, and I guess sometimes I still remain unsure. I still
fight affection despite how my heart & flesh long for it. But I know no one
is meant to do life alone. I will continue to battle against the hold that
depression and anxiety has over me, but I am no longer drowning. Seasons come, but
seasons change. It may be tearing you apart, but this is a storm that you were
built and rooted to weather. If we believe that for each other, we must own it
for ourselves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">So this is where I stand.
Floating uncomfortably between calm and storm. My heart is both broken and
beating strong. I don’t know where you are, but take refuge in the knowledge
that the light will eventually find you, as it found me. This is the truth I
cling to daily, and I pray you trust it enough to grip it in both your hands
and never it let go.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-11415038513104165782013-10-10T06:33:00.003-07:002013-10-10T06:33:44.884-07:00OPEN INVITATION<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial, Arial Unicode MS, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 21px;"><b>This is an open invitation. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial, Arial Unicode MS, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 21px;">Stories have been spoken and written since the very beginning of time; there is a reason for this. Our words have power. Your experiences are important. Your voice can shake another soul. Sharing what's deep inside us brings us together; stories make us sit around dinner tables, & campfires, and leave us laughing or crying on living room floors. We are each made up of so many talents, gifts, hardships, and blessings; our words can evoke passions, fears, and dreams within another. This space is for that. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial, Arial Unicode MS, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 21px;">I believe our generation is changing things up. We are seeing the importance of community and this idea that working together and building each other up is a better way to live. Our society pushes us towards complete independence but I believe we are breaking away from that. The reality is that we need each other deeply. So</span></span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial, 'Arial Unicode MS', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21px;"> I am inviting anyone and everyone who wants to share their story to do so.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial, Arial Unicode MS, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 21px;">Email me at<b>: holdfastinthenight@gmail.com</b></span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-80640991488829271602013-10-06T19:40:00.000-07:002013-10-06T19:42:26.773-07:00FEARS: I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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FEAR: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or be a threat.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw_EiFzi38KQnC2JKviwkEorgAldG9pxR56HPP7b8-98fzyiz5ThaSpdwOHwcWxGpWLKitzKCpisZpQF0TBMx-9T1i2zv2JuwXxkDFZIGvxvYdq6eFUw1ZhUmJhKGeSEgqj3JO7mrvHrs/s1600/untitled-3418.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="518" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw_EiFzi38KQnC2JKviwkEorgAldG9pxR56HPP7b8-98fzyiz5ThaSpdwOHwcWxGpWLKitzKCpisZpQF0TBMx-9T1i2zv2JuwXxkDFZIGvxvYdq6eFUw1ZhUmJhKGeSEgqj3JO7mrvHrs/s640/untitled-3418.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Fear is real. Whether you like to acknowledge it or not, we are all afraid of something. It sits there in the pit of our stomachs and most of us keep our fears in the depths, hidden within the folds of our muscle and flesh. But what about you? What are you truly afraid of? What about the fear you struggle to persuade your mind away from? Do you let it out, have you looked someone in the eye and really told them the deepest, darkest, & coldest place in your heart?</div>
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We tend to look at fears as weakness, but I believe knowing our fears and fighting against them can bring strength. When we have an idea of what we are fighting against we can fight for truth, we can fight for change within our very being. One of my biggest fears is letting people close and another is growing up. I get fearful that I'm not doing life right, or that I should be where that person is or I should have all these certain things figured out. I have to continuously embrace that fear; certain situations reawaken it and I have to step back, breathe, hold my head up high, & remember that this is my journey.</div>
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A lot of times we hide behind our fear, we let our fear make excuses for us; we let our fear hold us back. We feel as though our hearts weren't brave enough, or that people will just never understand us. And that belief in itself leads us into a cycle of fear that we won't be able to escape. Let this season be a season of embracing fears and finding strength and freedom from them. We will always be afraid of something but we need to learn to be in control of our fears, and not let our fears control us. </div>
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Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks & eventually vanishes. You are free.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-87516610560704368802013-09-26T14:44:00.003-07:002013-09-26T15:12:14.916-07:00SHAKE THE DUST<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Shake the Dust by Anis Mojgani. Be inspired today to know that even though you may feel small or stuck, lost, alone, or worthless; the world is yours to explore, don't let the pain or darkness hold you back. </div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This is for the fat girls.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This is for the little brothers.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This is for the school-yard wimps, this is for the childhood bullies who tormented them.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This is for the former prom queen, this is for the milk-crate ball players.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This is for the nighttime cereal eaters and for the retired, elderly Wal-Mart store front door greeters.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;"><b>Shake the dust.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This is for the benches and the people sitting upon them,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">for the bus drivers driving a million broken hymns,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">for the men who have to hold down three jobs simply to hold up their children,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">for the nighttime schoolers and the midnight bike riders who are trying to fly. Shake the dust.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This is for the two-year-olds who cannot be understood because they speak half-English and half-god.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;"><b>Shake the dust.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">For the girls with the brothers who are going crazy,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">for those gym class wall flowers and the twelve-year-olds afraid of taking public showers,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">for the kid who's always late to class because he forgets the combination to his lockers,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">for the girl who loves somebody else.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;"><b>Shake the dust.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This is for the hard men, the hard men who want to love but know that it won't come.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">For the ones who are forgotten, the ones the amendments do not stand up for.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">For the ones who are told to speak only when you are spoken to and then are never spoken to. Speak every time you stand so you do not forget yourself.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">Do not let a moment go by that doesn't remind you that your heart beats 900 times a day and that there are enough gallons of blood to make you an ocean.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">Do not settle for letting these waves settle and the dust to collect in your veins.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This is for the celibate pedophile who keeps on struggling,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">for the poetry teachers and for the people who go on vacations alone.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">For the sweat that drips off of Mick Jaggers' singing lips and for the shaking skirt on Tina Turner's shaking hips, for the heavens and for the hells through which Tina has lived.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This is for the tired and for the dreamers and for those families who'll never be like the Cleavers with perfectly made dinners and sons like Wally and the Beaver.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This is for the biggots,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">this is for the sexists,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">this is for the killers.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This is for the big house, pen-sentenced cats becoming redeemers and for the springtime that always shows up after the winters.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">This? This is for you.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">Make sure that by the time fisherman returns you are gone.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">Because just like the days, I burn both ends and every time I write, every time I open my eyes I am cutting out a part of myself to give to you.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">So shake the dust and take me with you when you do for none of this has never been for me.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">All that pushes and pulls, pushes and pulls for you.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">So grab this world by its clothespins and shake it out again and again and jump on top and take it for a spin and when you hop off shake it again for this is yours.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">Make my words worth it, make this not just another poem that I write, not just another poem like just another night that sits heavy above us all.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">Walk into it, breathe it in, let is crash through the halls of your arms at the millions of years of millions of poets coursing like blood pumping and pushing making you live, shaking the dust.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20.796875px;">So when the world knocks at your front door, clutch the knob and open on up, running forward into its widespread greeting arms with your hands before you, fingertips trembling though they may be.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-35049439103849520592013-09-05T21:33:00.000-07:002013-09-06T09:01:25.667-07:00WE GET TO CHOOSE WHAT DEFINES US.<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Almost exactly a year ago, I wrote an article about knowing and realizing who you are, and knowing that, that in itself is enough. Somewhere in the folds and chaos of a year, I found myself forgetting the very words I laid out onto paper. Words that I had fought for others to hear suddenly drowned into the background of my existence. But today, today I realize this: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>we get to choose what defines us.</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid--822a83a-f185-ec1d-fc45-f23928e76901" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No one should ever be given the kind of power over you that you are made to feel less. No one. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You should never give someone the ability to strip you of your dignity. Somewhere along the way we became victims, we grew wishbones where our backbones should of been. Somehow we grew to believe that pleasing others is a more acceptable way to live. We gave into the lie that if I just change this and this then all these things will work out. I have played the role of a victim countless times, and I realize now, that this is not a role I have to play, nor a role that I was cast for. When we victimize ourselves we don’t move, we don’t grow, and we will slowly stop being. We cannot always help what happens to us, but we can choose how we will react and how we will go from there. You are more than just dust and bones. You are more than just a body that takes up space.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When will we learn that we cannot let our happiness and acceptance depend solely on another human being. People will come in and out of your life, it is one of the hardest things we face as individuals. They may teach you powerful truths about yourself, the good and the bad. They will love you as best as they can, they may tear you down, and they may only be with you for a short season. It is important to know when to stay and when to walk away. All we can do is bless each other with who we are. As long as you give your very best that is all you can do. Of course we let each other down and then we blame ourselves or we hate each other, and this I believe is the greatest of tragedies. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The reality is that life is crazy and I like to believe everyone is trying to be the best that they can be in the exact moment and place they are at. One of the biggest pains is when love is not returned the way in which you had hoped, it does not mean that you have failed. As Steinbeck said, “It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another-- but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.” Parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, and siblings will not always love you the way you were made to be loved. Maybe your father could never look you in the eye and tell you that he loved you. Maybe someone important in your life just up and left you. And maybe you have not once felt loved in your life, and the ache in your heart has never faded away.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wish I could sit next to you and tell you it will all be okay, and that everything will work out. But I can’t. I can’t fix your heart, I can’t fix the broken parts. What I can do is remind you and remind myself that you get to choose what defines you. You don’t get to choose what will happen in six months or in a year, but you have the ability to make the most of every part of your life. My beating, questioning, and searching heart is certain that God has to be the foundation of our beings; the very man that allowed your heart to begin to beat. I don’t know exactly what that looks like but I’m searching and I’m reminding myself to let go, and unclench my fists. Reminding you that you are not defined by another, but that you get to choose what defines you. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-41561934350332727752013-08-26T20:47:00.003-07:002013-08-26T20:47:56.815-07:00thoughts on social media & finding yourself.<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I haven’t been sleeping much, because I’ve been thinking and
writing when I should be resting behind closed eyes. But I’ve been realizing
how much we conform to please; its like society has the ultimate example laid
out for us. Show us how great your life is, how pretty your home is, how many
followers you have, but does that fulfill your heart when you lay your head
down alone at night? Social media is dominating our relationships. We can hide
behind it so easily; I am incredibly guilty of it myself. We want to be liked,
& there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It only becomes dangerous
when those are the only relationships we are actively cultivating. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Life needs to be more about learning ourselves inside and
out before we just trail along with this idea in our minds that we need to make
our lives look more appealing. We will slowly become exhausted and unfulfilled.
Life needs to be more about embracing every inch of our being and learning to
be confident in who we were made to be. You are absolutely perfect. There is
nothing anyone can do to take away your worth. Your only obligation is to learn
who that is and live and give from that, something I am still figuring out. Believe
in yourself and hold your head up high and know in your gut you are worth it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keep figuring it out; take time to learn what
makes your heart race and what keeps the gallons of blood pulsating through
your veins. Though your hands may be trembling, they are yours, and yours
alone. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-70509724563024891772013-08-21T20:12:00.002-07:002013-08-21T20:12:21.448-07:00TO THIS DAY<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://tothisdayproject.com/the_poem.html" target="_blank">'To This Day'</a> is a spoken word poem written by Shane Koyczan to stand up against bullying. We as a society are in desperate need of ways to combat this problem and be a voice for those who face bullying day after day. There is help. Raise your voice and take a stand.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">"...I want to tell them</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">that all of this shit</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">is just debris</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">we used to be</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">and if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">get a better mirror</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">look a little closer</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">stare a little longer</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">because there’s something inside you</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">that made you keep trying</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">despite everyone who told you to quit</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">you built a cast around your broken heart</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">and signed it yourself</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">you signed it</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.296875px; text-align: justify;">“they were wrong”.. </span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-77662729624374118182013-08-14T06:43:00.000-07:002015-03-03T05:10:08.275-08:00This is my story, the raw, rough, unedited version.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivJFxwaptHKMU9sKIfpH_lErCA5v_0-fZ5P9O37xTTBHk8hhKUAJbPd1lNsn5mEkV8G4myePI1CQhv_3h_bS9Hma4J7J2UB-DRwg7uAKJHlzCk51G9C7giAl-M628PrAeNILtWTjsQk7M/s1600/untitled-1346.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivJFxwaptHKMU9sKIfpH_lErCA5v_0-fZ5P9O37xTTBHk8hhKUAJbPd1lNsn5mEkV8G4myePI1CQhv_3h_bS9Hma4J7J2UB-DRwg7uAKJHlzCk51G9C7giAl-M628PrAeNILtWTjsQk7M/s640/untitled-1346.jpg" height="430" width="640" /></a></div>
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My name is Carolyn Terwilliger. I am finally almost free from college, I have a restless spirit that longs for adventure, & new places. These are the pieces of my heart, pieces that I have rarely let slip from my lips.</div>
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This is my story, the raw, rough, unedited version. I have never been able to sit down and piece it all together; nor have I ever successfully intertwined the words and events into a steady rhythm. There is still some shame that sits with me because some days I’m afraid that who I’ve been will affect who I’ve become, or who I may become to you. But I must own it; my story is significant, as is yours. My life has been filled with moments of despair and utter loneliness but it has also been filled with this deep hope that never completely dissipates, my body subconsciously reminding me that I was made for far more than this. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I grew up blessed with a family who absolutely loved me. My brother to this day is one of my best friends, without him in my life, I wouldn't be who I am today. My parents have always provided for me and showered me with love & grace. Since I was a tiny thing I was the peacemaker of the family, trying to always provide comfort when my father yelled. The fighting in my home as a kid wasn't violent but from a young age it was a scary thing to me. </div>
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When I was 11 years old I got incredibly sick, in and out of the hospital, doctors trying to figure out what was wrong with my body. My body was continuously losing weight, I was told that I was anorexic when in reality I was not. I struggled with understanding why I was being accused and treated like I had an addiction when I didn't. I never realized how much it would affect me but it absolutely did. I didn't understand why this was happening to me. Why my friends could run and play and I was told not to do so. I felt so alone.</div>
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<o:p> </o:p><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: Arial, 'Arial Unicode MS', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21px; text-align: center;">It all goes back to that night, a night where I can remember each & every detail. That night he raped me, a guy I thought I loved, someone I trusted. I didn't know who I was anymore. I felt a weight that I still sometimes feel trying to pull me under. For two years I didn't tell a soul, I felt used, confused and ultimately I believed it was my fault. Cutting became a way for me to cope, it was easy and no one ever noticed. I began running to guys for attention, having a false feeling of being wanted. Getting attention was easy and so I hid my pain in series of flings one after another, dowsed with alcohol and razors. </span></div>
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College for the next two years were some of the hardest years of my life. I struggled with depression more than I ever had. I began self injuring more and more, I couldn't feel anything. There was no happiness and no sadness, I was just alive; somehow. I was breaking and no one knew. I was nearing the end of my spring semester during my second year of college & one night I just didn't want to keep going, I didn't feel alive anymore; I had forgotten what joy felt like. I cut deeper, filled the bathtub with water, laid down, & closed my eyes. To this day I can’t even explain what it was exactly that got me up & out of that chilling water. My heart started racing, my body gasped for breath, & air began to fill my lungs again. I felt like I heard a voice, or somehow in that moment God reached out to me and called my heart back to life. </div>
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Over the next few weeks I knew I needed to tell someone, I needed to finally find healing in my life. Sharing your darkness is one of the hardest and scariest things to do, and fear can keep us from change. Because change is hard, change means drawing the poisonous venom from your veins, it is excruciating, but you have to believe in the end it will be worth it. Sitting in your suffering is easy, it requires no effort; I decided to fight. I decided to enter a rehab program that summer & I found more freedom than I had in my entire life. It was one of the hardest months; it hurt, it was full of tears, and anger. What got me through is that I wasn’t alone, these people felt pain too, and were desperate to find healing. No matter what that pain looks like in your life, we have all felt it. </div>
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Since high school I have experienced many hard relationships that have emotionally torn me apart. I struggle to this day with feeling unlovable, it is a process I am continuing to work through. I'm still facing bits of depression and anxiety, but I’ve learned over the years to trust people again. Trusting people is still an incredible challenge for me, but I’ve finally been able to develop meaningful relationships. Life is about fighting through the shit and overcoming; it is never going to be perfect but I do believe it is going to be beautiful.</div>
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Through all of the hurt in my life I have always been hopeful. I love people's stories, I love to learn what it is that makes a person feel alive. I desire to encourage people into hope and freedom. Last fall I had the opportunity to intern with ‘To Write Love on Her Arms,’ it gave me the courage to acknowledge my story and know that what I went through does not define me. TWLOHA will always be such a big part of my life. My greatest desire is to let others know that they are not alone. And so I'll remind you of truth, Y<b>ou are not alone.</b></div>
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I still don’t understand why life is so hard but I think it makes hope possible. I believe that when there is pain, hope will follow. It may follow months later or even years but I believe it comes. I still struggle and wrestle with God regarding why we have to lose the people we love, why certain things don’t work out & why people have to go through such awful tragedies. Even this past December my cousin passed away, he was 25 years old. I struggle with why and I still don’t understand, and I don’t know if I ever will. But I pause, take a step back, and breathe deeply. In pain there lies hope, it’s up to us whether we are going to sit in our pain & let it engulf us or if we are going to push against the current & wade into new waters. I’ve decided I’m fighting the current and by no means has it been easy but by all means it will be worth it. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15222961724713623690noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4124047142786111667.post-85023526271112954432013-08-06T18:00:00.000-07:002013-08-06T15:45:07.484-07:00My heart for you & for us. This is my very first post. I am so very excited to start this project, I didn't know how this would look or where I would be at in my life. Right now things are weird & this change in my life feels awkward and uncomfortable. But I know the heart within my chest beats to love & encourage. I long for my words to mean something and not just be words to fill voids, but words with meaning and depth. I want to be the kind of person who continues to fight through the mucky waters and grasp onto hope, when darkness is all that is in sight. Words have the power to weave something into that empty space between people, in that space our hiding shades start to pour. That space becomes colored with the sorrows, the frustrations, the absolute agony of what it is like to be alive. But with the sorrows, life also contains great joys. I long to create a space to share stories, to see inside each other, unstitch and embody each others intricacies.<br />
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Over the past few years of my life I have come to realize the importance of my story and the importance of other people's as well. We have all felt it & each of us at one point or another has been touched by the hand of depression, anxiety, grief, and utter loneliness. We have held on to the lies that bind us, the lies that looked us in the eyes and told us we were not enough & never could be. We let these lies entrap us, we let them define who we were. Many of us have found ourselves in the vicious cycle of trying to please those around us. In our desperation to be found worthy we changed ourselves to be who they wanted us to be, and in the process have been driven deeper into loneliness.<br />
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In this desperate search we settle to people please rather than to pursue passions and dreams. Through this blog I want others to be able to stop letting people define their worth. From the moment you left the womb and gasped for your first breath of fresh air you were of infinite value (the secret that you needed to hear a long time ago, is that you still are). Don't listen to those who tell you you can't reach your goals or accomplish your dreams. If you're a dreamer dream. If you're an artist, create. If your a physician, heal the sick. If your a mother love your kids and encourage their pursuits wildly. No matter where you're at and no matter how lost you may feel, you hold a purpose deep within your soul. You are needed. We need you. We need to hear your story, and learn what it is that makes your heart continue to beat & what keeps getting you out of bed every morning. We need to learn from one another. If we keep suppressing our true selves, and continue to hide the heart beneath our unkept flesh we will never be at peace and never grow.<br />
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Run from the lies that bind you to mediocrity. When they told you, you were nothing and could never be something...I'm here to say that they were wrong. It's time to head out into this terrifying and breathtaking adventure. The storms of life will come, but <b>together we will hold fast in the night.<br />
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