Competence. This is a huge thing I've been learning lately. I'm about to throw down some Webster's Dictionary, where it defines competence as the belief that you have the ability to do something successfully or efficiently. However, a lot of us suffer in different degrees of incompetence. Incompetence can be defined as having a sense of being less than others, a belief that one is inherently not as valuable or capable as others of similar education and ability. 

A lot of times we feel powerless, we feel like we can't do great things but the truth is we can. You can. You really really can. You might fail, you might trip up, and honestly, at times you are going to feel like you absolutely suck. Somedays you'll scream until your voice won't let you anymore, and you still do. And honestly, that's perfectly okay, because that's just how life is. Truth is, we are capable of far more than we realize. We too easily believe that we can't do things. We believe far too much that life should be easy and that if things are simply too hard we just should give up or become so discouraged we lose faith in ourselves. You can be frustrated and you can kick and scream, but you also can believe in yourself and know that you are valuable and you may be surprised but you are fully capable. 

"Do you take pride in your hurt? Does it make you seem large and tragic? Well, think about it. Maybe you're playing a part on a great stage with only yourself as audience." 

I've so often labeled myself as delicate and broken and though those parts of me do exist, that is not who I am. I've been standing on an invisible stage whispering woe is me, woe is me. And even now, somedays I'm tempted to stand on that stage and begin yelling and screaming. But I am more than the hurt and the pain, it is not my whole being, nor my defining characteristics.

I became so comfortable being unhappy, that I wallowed and dragged my feet like a child in flex of a full blown temper tantrum. The cynic within kept reminding me not to get too close, don't open your mouth too much, there's no one you can really trust. For a lot of my life I've tended to see the worst in people, I assumed no relationship could ever be ultimately good and in believing that, that is exactly what happened. My relationships continuously fell apart because I had this idea in my head that no one would stay, so I didn't let anyone close enough for them to even have a chance to stay or I gave people an opportunity to stay when I should not of. People are not all bad contrary to popular belief.

So I'm changing things up now and in the upcoming year. I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be, but that is the part that makes this next chapter of life so exciting. The possibilities are endless. Life is all about chasing dreams, falling, making mistakes, but standing up and finding a new way. I want to tell more stories. Brave, hopeful, and provokingly honest stories.

If you find yourself on an invisible stage, standing in front of an invisible audience, get off of it; run and don't look back. 

Cheers to a new year and the adventures that await us.

Working on a lot of new ideas & projects for the new year coming up. I have been missing lately, but I am getting excited for things ahead. Be encouraged today. Happy Saturday. :)

"Try to let what is unfair teach you...what is unfair can be a stern but invaluable teacher...you can be shaped, or you can be broken. There is not much in between. Try to learn. Be coachable. Try to learn from everybody, especially those who fail. This is hard." -David Foster Wallace

DON'T GIVE UP. 

You may have broken bones, a broken heart, or a broken mind. You've been through plenty of ups and downs. I know you feel alone. I know you feel like no one cares. Everyone's busy & maybe you are utterly confused & lost. This is your season, drink it up, every drop. If its busy or lonely these seasons teach us. These seasons grow us. They may not be fun, some days you may weep and your body may physically hurt and some days will be filled with laughter and ease. Wherever you're at and no matter how alone or useless you feel. Run from these thoughts & do not look back. It's a battle you may have to face each day, but get out of bed, stand up tall & live. No feeling is final. This season isn't permanent. The seasons will change as the tide rises and falls. We will rise and we will fall, but never stop fighting. Please never stop fighting.