Search

Archive

Powered by Blogger.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015

SUICIDE PREVENTION WEEK



Share your story. Be heard. People are here to listen. Ready to Help. Hold Fast.
"Tell me what the thunder that crashes inside of you sounds like."

This video was created by Filmsupply which is in the business of revoluntionizing stock footage by providing premium content to creatives, and the poetry is spoken by Anis Mojgani. This footage is from: www.filmsupply.com


          
Monday, September 7, 2015

SUICIDE PREVENTION WEEK


This week is a big deal. Spend time encouraging and loving those around you. Life is a precious gift, it's not guaranteed to be easy, or even make sense some days, and we may not even find all the answers. But we fight for this gift we have each received. There will be months, years, and maybe even decades of hardship. Days where we question our worth, question our identity, and whether life is worth it sometimes. Though life is hard and sometimes feels like we are barely existing. I encourage you to push through, I beg you to. Keep seeking light, don't stop chasing hope, because it comes. It comes in bursts, it comes through relationships, it comes through adventure, it comes when we least expect it. Life is hard but it is also so so good. Your heart may be broken and getting up in the morning may feel impossible, but do it. Get up, your life is of more worth than you may ever realize. We need you. Your friends need you. You are of infinite worth. 

If you are in need of further resources to find help www.twloha.com has amazing resources to point you to hope and healing. At one time I almost gave up on life and I am incredibly blessed and grateful to still be here, finding hope, and living out adventures: http://holdfastinthenight.blogspot.com/p/stories.html


Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Stop Chasing the Darkness

The past year and a half has been difficult. A year of ups and downs. I have gotten to explore and have so many amazing adventures that have taught me more than I ever realized but there were downs as well, none that anyone could see. My outlet on instagram were the days of adventure and bliss. But there were downs, downs I didn't tell a single soul about. If I wasn't physically or mentally running away I was lying and hiding the truth from the ones I love most. I didn't like who I was, I liked pretending I was fine and making great decisions. I was lying through my teeth and the scariest part was that I began to feel so comfortable just saying whatever I wanted. '"I'm fine, I'm not running around doing things I shouldn't be doing." "Me? no I didn't do that." "I'm not chasing after something that I should not be." The emptiness of my words like, "hey, can you please keep me accountable." When the reality is, no one can keep you accountable if you are not going to tell the truth.

It comes down to this:

"For a long time I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to put myself back together, because letting go of the sadness would mean I have to redefine myself. And sometimes, I still feel like chasing the darkness, because I don't know exactly who I am without it. I realized I made a home out of something I should have never let in."

My heart was broken to an amount I had never felt before, I accepted the belief that I was worthless and incapable of making good, positive decisions for myself. I believed my mind was too dark to be fixed. I have a lot ahead of me. I'm not perfect and my mistakes weigh me down some days. If there has anything I have recently learned it is this:

Your friends love you. Your best friends want to be there for you, you only push them away and break their trust when you lie to save your ass. You hurt them more than you realize. If we never admit our mistakes or flaws we will never truly be free from the weight that it ties around our necks. It's not worth it to appear "good" or "healthy" when you're not. You will save a lot of time if you just come out with it.

So now, I have a lot to face, and some redefining to do. But for the first time in a year and a half I mean it, I have to. We were not made to chase after the darkness, turn around and follow the light.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

You are good enough.

This past year and a half has been gut wrenching, thought provoking, heart breaking, and magical all at the same time. I've experienced moments that made me feel so alive and moments that ached to the core of my being. I'm in a season of healing, a season of valuing myself. A season of demanding self respect.

 I came across something I wrote a year and a half ago and I know I stumbled upon it for a reason. So today I will share it again and remind myself that I am worth so much more, as are you. 

Even after going through intensive counseling and receiving help, I was tied so deeply to believing I could never be okay with who I was. Throughout taking the steps to get help and find healing, I still could not let go of the lie that I was never going to be good enough for the standards laid out before me. I labeled myself as “not enough” and refused to accept who I was. My past continued to define me. Watching my every step, I spoke only when spoken to, rather than raising my voice or standing up for myself. I valued other people’s opinions rather than my own. If I didn’t agree with someone or appreciate the way they treated me, I continued to believe I deserved to be treated that way. 

Yes, I’ve experienced a lot of healing in my life and freedom from struggles that once seemed impossible to overcome—but I still always felt like I was too afraid to expose my real self. I let people determine my identity, scared of returning to pain and terrified of feeling alone. Scared to truly be me. 

Eventually, I was exhausted from viewing myself in negative ways. Even the things I was passionate about were hidden rather than celebrated openly. Constantly stuck between finding complete freedom in my life and hiding my true self, no one could see the real me. 

We do it all the time; in order for something we want to work, we change. We mold ourselves into versions we think will look good to the certain people we “need to fit in with.” In reality, this is self-defeating, and we are not truly living

The fear of failing or not fitting in will only hold you back from experiencing true freedom. You will miss out on the things you love—and the people who will love you for who you really are. 

We will all go through brokenness in our lives, more than once, but we can find so much healing in just being ourselves. 

I have grown and finally learned to be myself. I’ve learned it’s okay and normal to be afraid of relapsing, but that I can still live and enjoy life. I have learned that who I am is more than enough. 

There is no one like you. Don’t let someone else define your worth; know your worth and believe it. I know you feel alone, and everyone and everything around you might tell you you’re not good enough and never will be. I assure you, this is a lie. 

You are good enough. You were from the first breath that ever filled your lungs, and you always will be.